What a tool

Finding my Way. A blog by Lexi Alvesteffer.

2/28/13

It’s been some time since my last blog entry, 18 days to be exact. A lot has changed in those 18 days and I’ve been spending my time adjusting to my shrinking body and the foods that I’m now allowed to put in it. I can currently have soft proteins. This includes cottage cheese, low-fat cheese, deli meat, chili, yogurt, tuna, canned chicken, etc. I’m loving this phase because after 5 weeks of liquid, all I wanted was to use a fork and chew!

I celebrated my one month surgi-versary yesterday. In one month I’ve lost 25 pounds. I’ve lost a sum greater than my 1 year old’s weight. I’ve lost one third of my personal goal loss and one fourth of what my doctor says I can lose with this new “tool” in my gut. Yes, it’s a tool. That’s what the seminar told us. That’s what the appointments leading up to surgery told us. That’s what I told myself. But I didn’t fully realize that like any tool, this one can be used and misused. I’ve learned the hard way a couple times that my “grab-and-go” eating style is no more. Twice I’ve been sick because I’ve eaten too fast or on the run. Unpleasant experiences, but that’s the point. This tool was not only put in place to save my health, but to save me from myself. I’ve talked to a lot of people who have had bariatric surgery and I’ve heard that many of them were sick far more than twice so I hope that means this tool is working and I’ve begun to learn the lessons it’s there to teach me.

I’ve also learned that I will never be able to eat for comfort again. The reason I know this is that I need to eat a lot to be comforted and I am not able to get more than a cup of food down at a sitting anymore. So, I know I have to find other ways to comfort myself when I need it. I also know that the tool will teach me more lessons about not abusing my body when I’m able to add in more food choices. I know there will be more upset stomachs and other not so pleasant side-effects, but I need this tough love to help me tighten up my self-control and slap me in the face with a reality check when necessary. I know that sounds harsh, but harsh is what I need. Granted I have a metabolic problem that causes my body to hold onto weight for dear life, but I will be the first to admit that I also practiced eating habits that weren’t healthy for me.

This tool is there to remind me of who I am now, what my new life is about: health, fitness, longevity, energy, fun, self-esteem, pride in my body and what it can do.

This tool is there to teach me what it’s like to truly LIVE.